Unfortunately ‘016 may go down in history as being synonymous with disappointment. The year in film is not much different. Other than Disney keeping things alive with the Marvel and Star Wars franchises, the year was full of flops. Thank goodness for all of the good books out there. Anyways, let’s take a look at a few of our biggest dissatisfying blockbusters in ‘016…
10. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
What seemed like a perfect opportunity to convince our wives and girlfriends to go to a zombie movie, ended with everyone falling asleep. This film had the unique pleasure of letting down the hopes of two fan-cultures, zombie enthusiast and Jane Austen fans. The movie had some highlights but for the most part the boring dialogue and far stretched ideas proved a little too much.
9. Ben Hur
I have an idea. Let’s take one of the greatest film’s in history. Pour tonnes of money into effects and visuals and forget about the story entirely. Unfortunately this was not an original plan and Hollywood will continue to butcher classics. What’s next Casablanca? Oh god, I hope they aren’t listening.
8. Ratchet and Clank
Despite the tight budget, this was a rare occurrence where a video game could be adapted into a beloved film. Especially aimed at children with fun and original characters. However even my 6-year-old saw the plot as cliché and predictable and he doesn’t even understand those words completely. You know how I know when a children’s movie is terrible? My kids never want to watch it again.
7. The Legend of Tarzan
This is the first example of Warner Brothers thinking that putting Margot Robbie in a film is enough. We love her but we do need more substance. One of the worlds most deeply engrained characters deserves a revisit like this once in awhile, but he also deserves a much better story. To be fair our expectations were much higher after Aprils successful Jungle Book film.
6. Angry Birds
Money, star power, a massive fan base, Angry Birds had everything it needed for success. When push came to shove this movie was underwhelming. All the potential was wasted on a minimalist plot, and mediocre humour. Plus, changing up the image of the birds seemed to disappoint the young fans of the game and cartoons the most.
5. Independence Day 2
20 years we waited for the aliens to come back for revenge. 20 years a film that redefined a genre waited for its much deserved sequel. 20 years of wondering how much bigger and better they could make this franchise. What do they give us? A corny, oversized, steaming pile of-
4. Suicide Squad
The second example of Warner Brothers thinking Margot Robbie will make an instant success. Nice try, but not enough. This film looked so great in previews. Everyone was excited by the great visuals and edgy style. Then it came out. You could literally hear the disappointment of millions of movie goers happen simultaneously. I could go off about what went wrong here. Oh wait, I did.
3. Alice Through the Looking Glass
Honestly I didn’t even watch this. I walked out of Alice in Wonderland back in 2010 and never looked back. That quarter of a movie I saw was enough for me too know this franchise is garbage. With some of the greatest original content in the world to work with- no I don’t even want to talk about it. This movie makes the list simply because I am disappointed they made another.
2. Batman v. Superman
I recently re-watched this film hoping that my original criticisms were due to my deflated expectations. Nope. Still terrible. In fact, I disliked it even more. There is not one saving grace for this massive waste of time and energy. So much potential, so many great stories to work with, two iconic characters that have such charisma together. And they used none of it. Also, Ben Affleck officially tops my list as the worst Batman ever, congratulations pretty boy Val Kilmer.
1. The US Election
This was one of the years most highly entertaining shows. Great plot, awesome stakes, twists, turns, and two amazing main characters. One, a damaged hero that reminded us that everyone has a dark side, we all make mistakes, but our goals can still be pure and honest. Versus the embodiment of all that is wrong with our world, headed by the best breakout comedian in years. The election made us laugh and cry at our own realities. Powerful stuff. That ending though, ruined all the fun.
Thanks booknerds- wait, what? What do you mean that wasn’t a fictional movie?