Red Onion Review: Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

What is this terrorist, propaganda garbage?  When everyone in the world, ever, elected me to be president- er, blogger, of The Green Onion Blog, I made the decision to read (by read, of course I mean I paid to have my people read it to me (I got great readers, the best)) one of Green’s favourite books.  I was not impressed.  Sad.  Ready Player One, no one is even reading this garbage.

Published in 2011, Ready Player One is the debut novel of so-called author and spoken-word “artist”, Ernest Cline.  Sales were terrible.  Anything that says other wise is FAKE NEWS from failing media, lies. Sorry, nobody liked it, sad.  It won a few awards, nothing significant, only an Alex Award and a Prometheus Award.  Sad, I would win all of the awards, ever.  It will also be adapted into a film by one of the most over-rated directors ever, Steven Spielberg.

The book takes place in a “dystopian” future, where there has been a dramatic “energy-crisis” (that would never happen, fossil fuels are forever, and global warming is a scam).  The people of the greatest country ever, America!, have turned to a video game called the OASIS.  A world-wide, interactive game in a virtual world called an MMORPG (which I think stands for: Mega Massive Over-Rated Playing Game).  This so-called creator of the game, James Halliday, I have no respect for this guy.  First, he makes the game free to use, not smart.  Then he dies, not smart.  And in his will he hides an Easter Egg within the game with the reward of his fortune and majority shares of his company, not smart.  I plan on being buried with my fortune, in a casket of gold and diamonds.  Obviously this results in terrorists and bad “dudes” all over the world looking for his treasure, called Gunters.  

The story follows the worst terrorist Gunter of them all Wade Watts, or Perzival.  Bad hombre, he’s like, really poor.  Perzival is the first person to find the first clue to Halliday’s Easter Egg, sad.  Followed by a few other “evil” Gunters, the High Five, including Art3mis, such a nasty woman.  Our heroes, known as the Sixers, work for IOI. IOI is smart, I have a lot of respect for this company, they want to win so they can start charging all these poor people money to play the OASIS.  They can also keep all the “evil” hombres out.  The book is full of FAKE NEWS, about how corporations like IOI are the “bad” guys, lies.  The heroes, IOI, try hard to win this prize for America!, but the terrorists begin to band together, until the biggest battle ever.  The ending is terrible, our heroes lose, it’s like the end of Return of the Jedi all over again, sad.

The other biggest thing about this terrible book is it’s pop culture references.  Mentioning over-rated movies, games, and books, all through out.  Things nobody watched or liked like, D&D, Back to the Future, Star Wars, Atari, there was even a nod to John Scalzi (don’t get me started on that “dude”).  This was the worst part of the book, no fun, sad.  They didn’t even mention the greatest show ever made, ever, The Apprentice.

Worst book.  Terrible.  Sad.  IOI should have won so they could make the OASIS great again.  This book gives hope to people that are not as great as I am, and makes greed and cheating look bad.  0/5, don’t read this propaganda.  It’s sad when a bunch of poor people, from scary parts of the world can come together to take down such a respectable corporation and “save the world”.

Thanks booknerds, and thanks to the millions and millions of followers that came to my inauguration post yesterday.  It was the biggest turn out for a post in the history of blogging!


17 Comments Add yours

  1. Geronimo Reads says:

    This is the greatest review ever.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Zezee says:

    Yea man!! Had me chuckling throughout.”The book is full of FAKE NEWS, about how corporations like IOI are the “bad” guys, lies.” Lol and “They didn’t even mention the greatest show ever made, ever, The Apprentice.” Lol!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. hahahahahahahaha this was amazing- it was bigly clever of you, believe me 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Green Onion says:

      I like your words, best words

      Liked by 1 person

      1. hehehe it’s tremendous, it really is, believe me

        Liked by 1 person

  4. OMG! This is the best review ever! Took me forever to read because I couldn’t stop laughing. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. That was really funny and well written. I could hear his voice in my head as I read. He was even doing the motions and everything. 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Marta says:

    I’ve heard great reviews of this book from some booktubers, but one of my friends read it and told me she didn’t like it at all. Seems like she’s not the only one, and I won’t definitely borrow it from her :/
    Thanks for the review!!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. TeacherofYA says:

    You slay me every time I read your posts! 😂🤣😂
    I can’t take it anymore!! 😂😵

    Liked by 1 person

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