Welcome back to The Red Onion Sunday Mise en Place. This week has been tremendous. Millions and millions of people have come to read this blog, just to hear what I have to say. The “media” would tell you it has not been so popular, lies, FAKE NEWS. They have already apologized, now they are getting worse.
Due to the mass popularity, and outcry from the people I have decided that I will be staying on The Green Onion Blog permanently. Let’s lay down some ground rules. First, anyone who doesn’t like what I have to say is going to be banned. For the security of our blog, we cannot have these ‘bad’ guys around. Those who speak out against me, I have four words for you SEE YOU IN COURT. I am the law around here, I set the rules, I-
-Wait, wait, what? What is going on around here?
Oh- uh, hey Green, what are you doing here?
-What do you mean? This is kind of my blog, I kind of own it. I’m here to do the Sunday Mise en Place.
How did you get past my wall?
-Are you kidding? This isn’t medieval times, this isn’t the Qin dynasty. Wall’s are not infallible. Walls don’t keep people out, that’s ridiculous. What a waste of money.
FAKE NEWS. Walls keep the “evil” dudes out.
-What are you talking about? What is going on here? I said do a few posts and now you are trying to take over the blog?
The people have spoken. They want the Red Onion. They want to make the Green Onion Blog great again.
-Seriously? Are you that out to lunch? Have you lost touch with reality so bad that you’ve gone delusional? The Green Onion Blog is great! We need to talk about your posts, Jenn says you’ve been going too far.
Such a nasty woman. Things have been tremendous here, the best. I reviewed one of your favourite books, Ready Player One by Ernest Cline, I am amazing.
-You actually thought that the Sixers were the heroes? That book is about the heroes journey, the underdogs overcoming adversity. Defeating those that would use power for selfish means. You made a mess of that review. Then your Top 10 Underrated Heroes post-
What? That was greatest post ever. Millions of people read it.
Well I did take the readers on an exclusive look through my personal Comic Vault. That was so like, generous of me.
-Yeah, that. That was disgusting. Inappropriate. A taint on everything this blog represents. You know, like treating everyone with respect, for example. The Green Onion Blog is supposed to be appropriate for all ages.
That’s why I reviewed Dr. Seuss’s The Lorax.
-That was the worst one! That is one of the most influential children’s stories available that speaks about major world issues. Your views and morals are… disturbing. Any ways, you need to get out of here I got big plans this week. I haven’t done a book review in a while. I saw the best movie of the year so far. There’s a new dynamic duo in town. There’s things to talk about, but thank you for helping me out. It’s been… something.
You can’t just kick me out. I’m the greatest. I made the blog the greatest. I’m like, really smart and rich. The people have voted!
-What vote? This is The Green Onion Blog and you’re like an orange, misogynistic money monster. Everyone thought this was a joke. You gotta go. Don’t you have to get back to your whole ‘destroying the world’ thing?
I guess so. But this isn’t the last you’ve heard of me. SEE YOU IN COURT.
-No. Bad Red Onion. No more, just go. And I better not see any comments on Twitter. I know how you love to cry on there.
Thanks booknerds, sorry to anybody who took offense to Red Onions comments, he has no filter. Feel free to message me with any concerns or questions.