Is this thing on?
I have to say, it’s pure insanity how far technology zooms forward in a matter of years. Recently my phone went on a vacation and stranded me with a shotty computer that I call ××××××; or computer. Digging deep into my archives, I was able to retrieve an artifact. A cell phone of such ancient technology mankind has all but forgotten how to use it. I write now with this piece of history, as I longingly await my return to the modern world, and my base-of-operations that I call my blog; or bloggy-poo.
Many great books have been written on the dystopian future where technology has been lost. But, there are also many stories that are driven by the loss of just one important device. From information to power to a way home, the loss of one thing can have a detrimental impact. So, let’s take a look at ten lost items that almost suck as bad as me losing my phone…
10. DeLorean DMC-12
If you are going to temporarily lose your time travelling sports car, you should make sure it doesn’t land in the paws of your bully; especially your fathers bully. Biff Tannen was not only able to procure the DeLorean, but a 2015 sports almanac, and gift it to a 1955 Biff. Causing a nightmarish 1985 reality for our heroes, Marty and Doc.
9. Fifth Element
When ‘Great Evil’ approaches, it’s best to keep your five elements together. Run away element, Leeloo, was the source of many unnecessary deaths in a battle to stop Zorg and the Mangalores. It is tougher to hold on to your stuff when your stuff has super abilities and the mind of a child.
8. One Ring
If you want domination over the realm, it’s best not to lose the ring you forged in Mount Doom to control everything. That one all-powerful piece of jewelry caused all sorts of problems up and down Middle-Earth. Who would want to admit they lost a ring that makes the holder obsessed and evil? For certain there were a couple people unhappy with losing this treasure.
7. Buzz Lightyear
When tricking a technologically advanced space man into running away, it’s ideal not to be accused of his murder. One cowboy found that out the hard way as he was exiled from his home and family. This loss broke the multi-verse, as young ‘real world’ Andy lost his favourite toy. As a parent I can tell you that that’s the real atrocity. I know Andy’s Mom’s pain as she desperately searches for Buzz just so she can get the kid in bed…
6. Death Star Plans
When ruling the galaxy through fear of your moon-sized, planet destroying weapon, be certain not to let out its blatant weakness. In a galaxy far, far away, filled with Jedi, and force-sensitive rebels you’d think an Empire would have tighter security in place. Those pesky rebels can be persistent though, and destroying two Death Stars has to be a drain on the Imperial bank account.
5. Infinity Stones
When your ultimate weapon splits into six different pieces, it’s difficult to keep track of where all your stones went. Especially when they end up all over the galaxy, or even in other realms entirely. Losing just one of these precious stones can cause trouble for any super hero, for like three movies…
4. Harry Potter
If you’re going to divide your evil soul and put it into a baby, it’d be a good idea not to let that baby grow up to destroy you. I mean really, by allowing this kid to grow up in a world that hates and fears you, you’re kind of asking for trouble. Voldemort didn’t seem to have a strong game plan in place for being such a powerful wizard.
If you’re going to run for President against a monster, it’s best to not lose any important e-mails. Who would have thought that the inbox of one ladies e-mail would have such an impact on the world. So, thank you Hilary for showing us the importance of archiving, and organizing our e-mail accounts.
2. Your Spaceship
When travelling to distant planets with no life, air or water, try not to misplace your spaceship home. Poor Mark Watney may have McGuivered his way back to Earth, but I am sure the Martian would have been much happier to catch his ride home. Although, Watney did teach us that if you do lose something important its good to make the best of a bad situation, and be resourceful with what you have left.
When building a supercomputer to calculate the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything, try not to let it be destroyed to make way for an intergalactic bypass. Sure, the custom planet building company Magrethea makes building Earth look easy, but imagine the man hours that goes into such a project. It’s best not to lose your original.
Thanks booknerds, keep an eye on your stuff and things.