Let me ask you one quick question: What is the one thing that is missing from your life?…
If you answered anything like money, happiness, or world peace, you are so wrong. You are about to feel ridiculous in a moment for replying with such a silly, wrong answer.
If you answered with anything like a laser sword, jet-boots, or a house hippo, you are closer- and I appreciate your outside of the box thinking- but, you are still dead wrong.
Allow me tell you what is missing from your life. Trust me when I tell you, this one thing will bring you such joy and notoriety that you will forget all of your problems. You will wonder how you have survived thus far in life without it. You are about to be the talk of the town; the coolest kid on the street, as everyone will be jealous of your pure awesomeness. All due to this one simple, but unforgettable item… well, actually it’s two items.
All of your fears are about to be cured. All of your dreams are about to be answered.
Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and Girls! That one thing that has been nagging in the back of your mind for all these years and you haven’t been able to put a name to it, is… homemade cardboard, retractable Wolverine claws.
If you guessed homemade cardboard, retractable Wolverine claws than congratulations on figuring out the meaning of life.
Without further ado, I would like to introduce you to my new favourite video on the interwebbings. Please be sure to watch this epic video film in its glorious entirety.
What did I tell you? I got one word for homemade retractable Wolverine claws. Magnificent!
Lets rewind and break down this video. This glimpse into pure happiness.
Let’s start with these epic blueprints?
Wait? What is that? Is that a drawing of an alien wearing homemade retractable Wolverine claws? I don’t get it?
No? Why did he stab his masterful drawing of an alien wearing homemade retractable Wolverine claws? Either way, he starts cutting up some popsicle sticks and somehow ends up with this intricate piece of mechanics-
This video is going too fast to truly explain how he got to this point-
Slow down! I don’t know what’s happening? I learned more on how to draw an alien so far-
Snap! You have to make three of these? This is turning into a week long project. My girlfriend would kill me if she came home and this is what I was doing all day. And, I promise it wouldn’t look like this, it be a mess of wood splinters and hot glue.
Okay, and boom. He magically has completed his homemade retractable Wolverine claws. Held on to his hand with paper? Honestly, you went through so much trouble building these things, and you’re gonna strap it to your arm with some tape and paper?
Having these strapped to your arm would have to make you feel like the raddest person on the planet. They don’t look ridiculous at all. There would be absolutely nothing wrong with being a full grown man walking around wearing these bad boys. Even though he cant properly close his hands or anything.
Oh look, a couple of creepy looking balloons wearing a hat and enjoying a can of crisp, cold, Coca-Cola beverage.
What is happening?
No! Don’t do it! You should use your amazing homemade retractable Wolverine claws for good! Don’t use your homemade retractable Wolverine claws to mug a couple of creepy balloons wearing a hat, of their crisp, cold, Coca-Cola beverage!
Oh god! He killed him! Holy $#!+, he killed him!
Leave the crisp, cold, Coca-Cola beverage, take your hat and float away creepy balloon! Run! He has homemade retractable Wolverine claws and he’s gone mad with power! Get outta there!
Why? Oh god why!?! I don’t care how crisp and cold that Coca-Cola beverage is, that is murder. Why is he giving me a thumbs up, I just witnessed intentional balloon-slaughter. Did he have to put faces and a hat on them? It just made it too real.
Well, this amazing piece of weaponry has turned this innocent artist/engineer into a villainous murderer. That went dark real quick. Still, they are super-cool. If you don’t turn all violent, I would totally want a pair.
Thanks booknerds, and remember we’re all accessories to this balloon massacre now. We’re in this together.