Deconstructed: NFL SuperPro #1

I have a special treat in store for todays Deconstructed. A book that has been referred to as the worst comic ever created. I recently wrote about a panel at Edmonton Expo that featured legendary creator Bob Budiansky. During a recap of his all-star career, he brought up SuperPro as one of his most silly endeavours. It wasn’t an hour later when this book popped out at me as I wandered the long boxes at the convention. I take that as a sign that I am meant to Deconstruct this comic. We all deserve a better peek at this massive mistake masterminded by two widely respected companies. A flounder of a project that the writer himself said he had only done as an attempt to score free tickets.

The Cover-

If I was a superhero, I would probably turn myself into a giant advertisement as well. A giant red, white, and blue advertisement. Today’s athletes would choose to sport different colours I am sure. How would they take a knee and fight crime at the same time?

Surprisingly, this is not the first appearance of SuperPro. There was a special edition issue released months before the series began. This book also features a cameo from Spidey, a classic 90’s move to sell as many issues as possible. It worked. Same with plastering the words ‘Collectors Item’.

And, yes I did manage to track Mr. Budiansky down and have him sign this ridiculous book. He had a laugh, as I am certain all the creators connected to this title would. It’s generally a good idea to get artists to autograph their biggest disappointments.

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Dang! I had a VHS copy of Home Alone. I don’t remember getting this sweet poster. I also don’t remember anyone saying, ever, that Home Alone is the ‘#1 Comedy in History’. I do like how American Airlines is offering a travel discount on this, of all movies. Like, “you too can leave your child at home unattended while robbers case your home as you enjoy a nice vacation in sunny Palm Springs!”. Thanks, American Airlines.

25 bucks! What!?! That seems steep for a VHS in 91.

The Credits-

Marvel Comics
SuperPro
#1
“You Bet Your Life”
October 1991
Cover Price: $1.00US
Today’s Worth: $1 if you can get a creator to sign it, and then write a blog post on it. Otherwise, free.
Cover by John Romita, Ron Frenz, Joe Sinnott
Written by Fabian Nicieza
Pencils by Jose Delbo
Inks by Mike DeCarlo
Letters by Janice Chiang
Colours by Bob Sharen
Edited by Bob Budiansky

The Story-

Basically, NFL SuperPro got his powers… somehow… and now he uses his abilities for good to defend… well not innocent people, but football as a sport… I guess? The book opens with a sharpshooter eyeing up a leader of an underground gambling ring. Until, he is rudely interrupted.

Apparently, this mafia boss dude is the only man who can clear a player from the L.A. Raiders from ties to another gambling ring. After some cheesy lines, like “how about a personal autograph” SuperPro starts beating the heck out of the sniper. But, the beat down is pointless-

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Most excellent! I had no idea the boys from Wyld Stallyns had a video game. Radical!

SuperPro does what a hero does and chases down the assassin who seems to swear quite a bit. That’s okay, SuperPro has a remedy for that-

The gunshot gives the bad guy an opportunity to peel out, leaving SuperPro to chase on foot. Nearby someone snaps a photo. Who could it be? Who else?-

Spider-Man gets a Spider Tracer on the car and poor SuperPro messed up his first outing with fans. He let the guy get assasinated, and let the shooter get away. He also left the other attempted shooter alone on that roof to bail out too. Sweet, good show SuperPro-

SuperPro gets picked up by his partner Ken. Theres a whole mess of dialogue that no one cares about… … … Alright, SuperPro makes it back to his hotel room to call his girlfriend who walks around her house eating milk and cookies dressed like this-

They have a conversation that no one cares about. Then SuperPro recaps his origin story. I guess he got powers from a sports collector or something? Some sort of crazy steroids? … no one cares.

At the court hearing of the L.A. Raiders player SuperPro runs into Peter Parker for this adorable exchange where they say nothing but stare longingly into each others eyes-

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Well, these are nice. They look about as good as it would be if I drew these characters myself. Thank god action figures have come a long way.

As Pressman denies the gambling allegations for the media Spidey’s Spider-sense tingles and he quickly changes and discovers another sniper. Wait, I thought this was a SuperPro book?

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Whoa, this is like the first phone app! An X-Men text based adventure game, where you decide your fate by the numbers you dial. This would be tonnes of fun. Until, you know, Mom and Dad get the phone bill…

Anyways, Spidey deals with the assassin in his own way… Oh, sh’nap, did he just let him fall to his death! What the heck is happening?

That night, Spidey follows his lead, while SuperPro defends the home of Pressman. When a bunch of ninja assassins show up. Finally SuperPro lets loose-

Except they have missile launchers and shit. This don’t look good-

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Check out Marvel’s August 1991 Coolometer! Okay, wait, hold on. The metric system is cooler than skateboards. Political correctness is very uncool. Flossing sits just above bungee jumping and below polo shirts? Bagels are way above record albums. The height of coolness is Terminator 2, James Brown, and Jeeps. I don’t think I understand this meter. In hindsight they were right about the Cosby Show though.

SuperPro finally foils an assassination attempt. Spidey shows up late to the game. And, well that’s about it. No one cares. Now a quick song I wrote about SuperPro just right now: bum bum bada bum bum bum SuperPro! He’s an NFL hero saving the sport, gonna help the L.A. Raiders stay out of court! SuperPro! Bum bum bada bum bum bum SuperPro! N! F! L! SuperPro!

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I miss Fantastic Four…

Thanks booknerds, most fun Deconstructed yet! Bum bum bada bum bum bum SuperPro!

10 Comments Add yours

  1. Wow I think this is the best one yet! And I thought nothing could be better than Alf! I had to introduce the first mate to both the Alf and this delight of a comic. I even sang the Super Pro theme song much to the first mate’s entertainment. The coolometer and 900 number text based games were absolutely fricken fantasic. Go Super Pro!!! Bum bum bada bum bum bum SuperPro!
    x The Captain

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Green Onion says:

      Haha, awesome Captain I am glad you enjoyed it as much as I liked writing it. SuperPro!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. What a cool and crazy comic. Love the SuperPro meets Peter Parker panel. Love the Coolometer too. I have the Bill and Ted and the X-men figure ads 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Green Onion says:

      Those X-Men figures are terrible though, am I right?

      Like

      1. Compared to today’s standard of figures yes. What I like about them is the 80s/90s charm and simplicity they have.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. For Tyeth says:

    Hi Green Onions, I’ve got to say this comic ISN’T the biggest football flop in history…anybody remember the infamous XFL and Vincent K. McMahon of World Wrestling fame? And can I ask what “Laser Kiroke” is on the Coolometer? (I’m guessing Laser Karaoke) Great deconstruction!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Green Onion says:

      Yeah XFL was ridiculous. I got stuck on the Laser Kiroke too. I’m not sure if that is some 90’s thing that was somehow erased from our collective mind or something?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. For Tyeth says:

        Hi Green Onion, Laser Karaoke was a lost form of Karaoke machine that stored the music and lyrics on Compact Discs that were actually about a 12 inches in diameter! I know about them as I used to be semi-pro musician back in the 90’s.

        Like

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