The Green Onion Coupon Book

No actual coupons for green onions. 

Green onions are pretty cheap, you don’t really need a coupon.

Who doesn’t love free coupons right?

I know I do.  Even though most the time an exciting coupon makes it to my desk with the intention of using it, only for me to throw it out four months later as I am cleaning up clutter.  Coupons are clutter.

Thankfully, I have devised some great coupons here and none of them carries an expiry date.  Heck, you don’t even have to print them out.  They are just here for you to use whenever you need them. 

I think that everybody deserves a break sometimes.  From those that sacrifice everything for others to those that are so wrapped up in anxiety, they can barely leave the house.  Whether you have a million and one things on the go and you’re completely stressed out, or things are pretty cool right now.  We all deserve some self-care and love.

So, instead of a coupon book full of consumerism – because, let’s face it, who needs more of that with Christmas around the corner? – this coupon book is for you.

You may use as many as you like, as often as you want.  You can use more than one at a time.  You can use them as you please.  Though, I do recommend using at least a couple of them.

–    Enjoy

Free Sleep In

This coupon is good for one free chance to let yourself sleep in without being hard on yourself.  You work hard, you have a lot on your plate, and even though you push yourself to get out of bed each day and face it head-on, today you can let it go.  Best redeemed on a morning where you don’t have any pressing obligations, and you have earned it.  Utilize this free offer to give yourself some well-needed rest.

Free Day to Take Care of Yourself

This coupon is good for one free day to take care of yourself and be completely selfish.  Each day you put in the effort to impress and help others, but today you can do whatever you need for you.  Best redeemed on a day where you have a lot to catch up on, or when feeling overwhelmed with everyone else’s energies.  Utilize this free offer to maximize self-care and not feel any guilt.

Free Go To Bed Early

This coupon is good for one free chance to head to bed early and get some extra sleep.  You’re tired, and you should totally get some sleep.  Best redeemed on a day where you’re super sleepsy.  Utilize this free offer to get a good nights sleep and hit the next day with some extra oomph.


Free Eat Whatever the Fuck You Want

This coupon is good for one free excuse to eat whatever it is you may be craving.  Sure, it is essential to take care of your body, but sometimes you need to live life now.  One day you are going to be expiring like an old coupon, cash in now, and have that piece of cake.  Best redeemed on a day where you could use a boost to your morale.  Utilize this free offer to remember all the things that you are grateful for in life.

Free Go To Bed Late

This coupon is good for one free excuse to stay up late and not worry about the repercussions tomorrow.  You worry enough that sometimes you need to let go and enjoy yourself at the moment.  Best redeemed even if the extra hour or two will make tomorrow a little harder, but enjoying yourself right now is worth it.  Utilize this free offer to take the moments as they come and let yourself be free.

Free Enjoyment of a Guilty Pleasure

This coupon is good for one free excuse to watch, listen, or play whatever it is you want without thinking that it is embarrassing.  Everybody needs stories, they feed our soul like food feeds our stomachs.  So, listen to Jackson 5, watch Legally Blonde, or play My Little Pony: Super Pony Adventure (I made that up), as long as you’re having fun.  Best redeemed when you are about to not do something because of someone else’s opinion.  Utilize this free offer to take satisfaction out of something that you may feel afraid to.

Free Dream

This coupon is good for one chance to dream as large as you possibly can.  It doesn’t matter where you are at in life, it is always okay to imagine the highest heights.  Best redeemed when life is stagnant and in need of growth and change.  Utilize this free offer to escape and remember your wildest passions.



4 Comments Add yours

  1. Zezee says:

    I’ll take the Free Sleep In. Haven’t had the chance to do that in a while.


  2. I am for real in the middle of lesson planning right now and was starting to feel sleepy. So I came on the ol’ interweb to see if I could wake myself up with some mindless scrolling on Twitter and then return to my work. Then I happened upon your piece. And you know what? I am for real cashing in the “Go To Bed Early” coupon and calling it a night. Brilliant idea my friend; I love it. Thanks for the incentive!


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