Junior Onion Reviews – Jurassic Park

Welcome back to Junior Onion Reviews. I am the classic Green Onion, original flavour, and Junior is my 8-year-old sidekick, Robin style – except you know, he’s actually my son and I didn’t adopt some foster kid who lost his parents in some tragic carnival accident. Together we recently kicked off our new blog series where the kid gets to share his unique perspective on the box office. Check out our Avengers: Endgame from last week. With the spoiler ban for that movie lifted I don’t have to warn you about all of the spoilers in that review – but, I guess I kind of just did? Whatever.

Today we are going back in time to a time when we brought dinosaurs out of time to a new time. Of course, I am talking about the now considered classic, Jurassic Park. Before I get ahead of myself, let’s bring the kid in.

Green Onion: Hey, Dorkbrains! Are you ready to review a movie?

Junior Onion: Yes, definitely.

GO: Alright, me too. So, last week I gave you a list of movies that we could do for this weeks review. It included a whole bunch of great films from Star Wars to Back to the Future. But, you chose Jurassic Park first, why?

JO: Because, I love the other Jurassic movies, and I have not seen this in a long time.

GO: That’s true, you are a big fan of the Jurassic World movies, and you were pretty little when you watched the first one. That is how it made the list of other films that you hadn’t watched before. It turns out that it was a great choice and it has to do with our review last week, do you know why?

JO: Last week was Endgame. Jurassic Park is not like Endgame?

GO: I know. It’s more of a coincidence that has to do with you and I. Jurassic Park was released in theatres in 1993. Which means that I would have been 8-years-old when I watched it. Jurassic Park was easily the biggest film when I grew up. It ended up making more money than any other movie before it. A record that Avengers: Endgame will most likely break pretty soon. So, our first two reviews are the two biggest films from when we were both 8-years-old. That is pretty cool, no?

JO: It’s awesome, I am 8 years old too. It’s such a coincidence.

GO: I do know how old you are? Surprise, I was there when you were born.

JO: lol I know you were there.

GO: You were much cuter then, and you smelled better. But, Jurassic Park was a big deal when I was a kid. There was a lot of news and excitement for the movie to come out. And, your grandpa didn’t take me to nearly as many movies as I take you. I remember that I had to beg him to take me because I needed to see it so bad. And, for me, it was easily the same as watching movies like Avengers: Infinity War and Endgame. But, you know, with dinosaurs. Do you know why Jurassic Park was such a big deal back then?

JO: No idea. It must have been because dinosaurs were popular.

GO: Yeah, no. Dinosaurs haven’t really become any more popular since they all died. Jurassic Park was one of the very first major movies that used computer-generated imagery, or what we call CGI today. Before then, if a dinosaur was in a film, it was either a puppet or maybe a painting or a costume. So, when they made this film, it was like seeing a dinosaur for real! What did you think now that CGI monsters are in every movie, did the dinosaurs look real?

JO: Well, in the movie the dinosaurs looked a bit fake. Now they are like real, it’s awesome, but in the old days they look all fake.

GO: That’s funny because you were getting pretty scared! I saw the movie when it was new, at the same age as you and it never scared me. But, you looked like you were going to cry and pee your pants at the same time even though you were hiding under your blanket. Did you get nightmares you big scaredy?

JO: No. No peeing pants or getting scared here… And, being under my blanket is comfy! And no nightmares.

GO: Sure, buddy, sure. Anyways, do you want to tell everyone what this movie is about and what happens?

JO: Well, this movie is about dinosaurs being recreated, and they can not control them and all. The power goes out, and they need to turn it on. So, they turn on the power which is obviously hard because movies are like that. Anyways, they turn it on and call a helicopter escape and lots of spoilers.

GO: And, lots of people get eaten. But, no worries about spoilers, this movie is 26 years old. If somebody hasn’t watched it yet, they probably won’t. What was your favourite part?

JO: When the kids found a feast of candy, take some and grin at each other then a dinosaur shows up and then they need to escape.

GO: That is a good scene. I always loved it when the cars stop in front of the T-Rex pen and then it breaks out. That was the part that you were hiding under your blanket, no?

JO: No!!! … alright, it was that part. But, not any other parts!

GO: Sure, except all of the other parts that you hid. This movie showed us seven different dinosaurs, which is your favourite?

JO: The tall ones are funny, they are my favourite.

GO: Brachiosaurus? The long necks?

JO: The tall, tall ones. Oh, they are long necks. I thought you were thinking about the fast ones.

GO: Speed round!

GO: T-rex vs raptors?

JO: Raptors

GO: Jurassic Park or Jurassic World?

JO: Jurassic World

GO: Which kid is cooler, Tim or Lex?

JO: Lex

GO: Would you go to Jurassic Park?

JO: No

GO: Alright, just a couple of more questions, and we can wrap this up. You haven’t ever seen the second movie, The Lost World. What do you think happens?

JO: Dinosaurs from a different dimension come to the park.

GO: Haha, wow are you going to be disappointed. On a scale of ten raptors, how would you rank this movie? Ten being the perfect movie, zero being the worst movie ever made?

JO: 8 raptors.

GO: That’s a high score. When I was a kid, I probably would have given it a ten, but now I can see that it is more of a nine. Nine raptors good. Well, that’s probably good for this week. Do you want to say thank you to everybody for reading?

JO: thanks everybody who reads what I write, and what my dad writes.

GO: Thanks, everybody!


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