Red Onion Review: The Star Wars

Sorry to all of my amazing fans, the best fans, that I haven’t been around for a bigly time.  The last 100 days or so have been tremendously busy.  I’ve been doing lots of golf, watching movies, and causing general controversy.  Very important.  Really, really important.  My handicap has dropped a couple points in the last…

Green Onion Does Fashion

Nordstrom, the clothing store that I am afraid will take all my money if I walk past it.  The store I cant even enter because my tax bracket is too low.  Nordstrom, #3 on Trump’s terrorist hit list behind Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Canadian dairy farmers, has released their new line of expensive dirty clothing.  For…

San Diego Comic Con- 1 Pass free to the right person

​I don’t know if you have seen this Craigslist ad from ‘Gordie’ yet.  It is pretty funny, creepy, beyond disturbing, but funny.  Essentially, ‘Gordie’ is a 56-year-old male who has left his wife and his amazing job as Supervising Manager at Soup Plantation.  Who would give up a sweet gig at Soup Plantation you ask?…

Top 10 Lost Items (that almost suck as bad as losing my phone)

Hello? Is this thing on? I have to say, it’s pure insanity how far technology zooms forward in a matter of years.  Recently my phone went on a vacation and stranded me with a shotty computer that I call ××××××; or computer.  Digging deep into my archives, I was able to retrieve an artifact.  A…

The Slaughter at Fraggle Rock

The world is becoming a scary place.  Horrendous things are happening and the world is terrified.  The worst part, we don’t even know that these things are happening or that we should be scared.  It’s like they’re not even happening.  Honestly, Sweden, I cannot even believe there are bad things happening there.  Seriously, I can’t…

Sunday Mise en Place (Green Onion v. Red Onion Feb. 6 to 12, ‘017)

Welcome back to The Red Onion Sunday Mise en Place.  This week has been tremendous.  Millions and millions of people have come to read this blog, just to hear what I have to say.  The “media” would tell you it has not been so popular, lies, FAKE NEWS.  They have already apologized, now they are…

Red Onion Review: The Lorax by Dr. Seuss

Listen to me, I know when you saw the title for this review, you thought “oh no, Red is going to go off about global warming again”.  Well, while global warming is FAKE NEWS, created by China and the Dems as a scare tactic, that is a bigly misconception about what The Lorax is about….

Red Onion’s Comic Vault Tour

I know comic books are a tremendous part of Green Onion’s Blog, but I don’t read much, really, not at all.  My advisors said I should read the Bible and American Constitution but then I rented Finding Dory instead.  Great movie, the best, watched it like a dozen times this week.  Anyways, I figured I’m…

Red Onion’s Top 10 Underrated Heroes in Fiction

This is going to be the biggest top 10, believe me, the best.  The media, and FAKE NEWS, like to make some characters in fiction look “evil”.  Like power, greed, and dishonesty, was some sort of bigly “bad” thing.  Today I, the great Red Onion the best, will be composing a list of the most…

Red Onion Review: Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

What is this terrorist, propaganda garbage?  When everyone in the world, ever, elected me to be president- er, blogger, of The Green Onion Blog, I made the decision to read (by read, of course I mean I paid to have my people read it to me (I got great readers, the best)) one of Green’s favourite…

Red Onion Sunday Mise en Place (Jan. 30 to Feb. 5, ‘017)

Thank you, thank you, welcome to Red Onion week on the Green Onion Blog, even all my haters.  This week is going to be tremendous, it’s gonna be huge, the biggest, best week ever in blogging, it’ll be tremendous, believe me.  Early predictions say that millions of people will be coming to read my posts…